AS A HIGHCLASS GUY SO HIGH I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LOOK DOWN ON EVERYONE ELSE, I HAVE DINED IN THE WORLD'S FINEST RESTAURANTS, FROM KING LOUIS XV IN MONACO TO ALAIN DUCASSE IN PARIS TO NOBU IN LONDON TO VERTIGO IN BANGKOK TO HUTONG AND AQUA IN HONG KONG TO MY MOTHER'S KITCHEN IN KOTA BARU, I MUST SAY THE MOST SURREAL IS JEFF'S CELLAR AT THE BANJARAN HOTSPRING RETREAT IN TAMBUN, IPOH, PERAK.
Lybanor Giodo, General Manager of The Banjaran enjoying dinner with Kee Hua Chee on an elevated platform facing spectacular stalactites and stalagmites
Jaw-dropping and awesome dining area! I had dinner at the elevated platform at right!
Jeff's Cellar is Malaysia's best kept secret as it is not publicised at all.
The Banjaran offers a fine dining restaurant called The Pomelo in honour of the world famous pomelo fruits for which Ipoh is justly famous. I ate 3 whole pomelos in my Garden Villa all by myself.
Guests staying at The Banjaran dine at The Pomelo but if you pay through your nostrils and give a blank cheque the hotel can arrange for a private, exclusive dinner inside Jeff's Cellar! Allocate RM 200 minimum per person without wine. It is cheaper at The Pomelo of course but there you go.
A beer inside Jeff's Cellar costs RM 25 so you get the drift. This is very exclusive and Jeff plans to keep it that way.
However a kitchen is being built as I type so once it is ready, there MIGHT be a fulltime restaurant in Jeff's Cellar. Right now all food has to be cooked at The Pomelo across the garden path and hand carried to Jeff's Cellar.
Who is Jeff did I hear you ask?
Jeff is Tan Sri Datuk Sri Dr Jeffrey Cheah, boss of Sunway Group which owns The Banjaran and Sunway Resort, Spa and Hotel in Bandar Sunway KL and also Sunway Tambun in Perak and of course The Banjaran.
Jeff's Cellar was never planned to open to the baying and paying public.
The Banjaran started construction in 2007 and Jeff's Cellar was created in 2004 by Tan Sri Jeffrey Cheah for his own use. The entire cavern inside a limestone hill was meant as his private wine cellar! Highclass or what?
Only his closest friends and relatives were allowed or invited inside Jeff's Cellar but when The Banjaran opened in 2010 he generously opened it as a bar to guests.
Jeff's Cellar is meant for hotel guests but outsiders can have dinner at The Pomelo and then drinks inside Jeff's Cellar! I guess this is for the benefits of Ipohans since few would rive 2 hours from Ipoh and 2 hours back for a drink here. Of course you must stay overnight in the Water or Garden Villa.
The entrance is kept locked during the day and impenetrable so don't try sneak in. The medieval style massive gates open only at 9 pm.
Poverty-stricken guests can visit Jeff's Cellar after dinner from 9 to 11 pm (but they are not strict about closing if you keep drinking).
Jeff's Cellar won MIGF (Malaysia International Gourmet Festival) 'Best Dining Experience' in 2012 and I think Jeff's Cellar should win for the rest of eternity as I cannot think of a better and more spectacular dining venue than dining amid 280 million stalactites and stalagmites!
There is an incredible stalactite that resembles a monstrous penis!
I almost fainted as I am very delicate when I saw it.
Then I passed out again as I came nearer and saw what seemed like sperm dripping out of the cock head!
Well, of course it was just normal water dripping down from the stalactite that looks exactly like my tricky dicky!
Still, what can come to mind but sperm or urine since the water oozes from the tip of the cock, I mean stalactite while a stalagmite rises from the cave floor.
Actually there many penile stalactites and stalagmites since a cock can stand from the ground or hang from cave ceiling but this one takes the cake as it is so perfectly formed and any human cannot think it resembles anything but a cock.
The more polite and hypocritical may think this comparison is vulgar but so is getting penetrated or doing the poking or swallowing or licking. If we don't do this, then the human population will die off in one generation.
I follow the example of Jesus Christ who never married and died a virgin and also Buddha who left his wife and children to seek enlightenment and stopped having sex after being enlightened.
So actually I am holier than thou!
Hallelujah and omitofu to me.
Where were we?
Oh ya, Jeff's Cellar and the penis formations. I could hardly eat dinner as I was so busy staring and admiring at the stalactites and stalagmites so this venue is perfect if you are stuck with boring companions as you can stare at the natural formations and no one can accuse you of being rude as they are probably doing the same!
I can foresee Dato Nancy Yeoh hosting glamorous product launches and exclusive previews for Malaysia's elite here.
Lybanor Godio and Kee Hua Chee
Kee Hua Chee toasts his good fortune due to the personal intervention of Jesus Christ and intercession by Buddha
Lybanor Godio and James Ng Kun Tek
Lybanor Godio and James Ng Kun Tek
The Penis Stalactite! If this does not look like a penis, I will castrate my cock
Could be urine, could be sperm dripping from the cock head! I love it
Must be pee rather than sperm since the liquid looks watery
Soon, in a few thousand years, the 2 dicks will join to form a pillar
As they say, 2 cockheads are better than one
Look at this spectacular cock
Stunning
You can dine atop the elevated platform at right for a night to brag about
I had dinner atop the elevated platform at left
So real it is surreal
When it rains, the water drips down so a curtain is needed overhead
Cosy corner
A touch of Europe inside Ipoh's limestone cavern
You can dine and wine here
Staircase to heavenly vista
Jeff's Cellar
Yes I know you cannot have enough of this natural phenomena
The small stalactite at right also resembles a cock
The candelabra at my table
The Penis hanging down
Such a beautifully formed penis
What a fantastic sculptural display by Mother Nature
There is a humungous cock and here is a gigantic ball
Rainwater drips down when there is a downpour so an awning like this is necessary
At first we dined at this table before migrating to the platform
Look at the little pools where the calcite water collects
The lights are a masterwork!
Back to the cock!
2 penises about to meet
Jeff's Cellar is at left
I guess any guest can touch this calcite pillar
Big rod
Wish I could take a dip here
Looks like alien octopus
The canopy is to prevent rainwater from falling on your head
The Japanese soldiers wrote these during World War 2
Tentacled stalactite
Lounge
Big dining table
2 staircases to the Bar
HRH Sultan Azlan Shah of Perak visiting The Banjaran
The Bar with amusing stalagmite pillars
1 comment:
wow, this looks great~
Regards,
(A Growing Teenager Diary Malaysia)
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