Wednesday, October 21, 2015



David Deida: Exploring the Masculine Search for Freedom and Feminine Search for Love - 1999 Lecture


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Book Summary: The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida

the way of the superior man book summary
This is a summary of The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. If you like what you read here, click here to purchase. Cheers.

We live in a man’s world!
Do we? Really? I won’t start a discussion about gender roles and feminism right now, but I will say that the role of man has changed over the last 50 years.

While I hope everybody here agrees that our lovely ladies deserved the empowerment they had to fight so hard for over the decades, this societal shift has lead to a generation of men who don’t know how to assimilate into the new world.

This is were David Deida’s books offers a excellent model for living life as a masculine man in the modern world. It is not about suppressing or dominating women, it is about your masculinity.

While this book will benefit you in more ways than you can count, you will also find that the principles and ideas presented in “The Way of The Superior Man” will radically improve your relationships with every woman in your life.

About David Deida

David Deida is known as one of the most influential teachers on the subjects of sex and spirituality. Some people find him insightful, others provocative, regardless of your opinion of him, he offers some incredibly eye opening and life changing lessons.


If you were born and raised in the western society, it is very likely that you did not have a strong male role model in your life. As our dads were working all day long we were raised by our moms. 

They taught us their values and principles and although they meant well, they could not tell us about what it means to be a man.

From the first page to the last “The Way of the Superior Man” is packed with useful information and insightful wisdom. In fact, it is so packed, and the information is so prevalent that it makes it hard to focus on any list of highlights.
We’ll give it a go anyways.

1) Know your purpose in life

As a man, you should know your purpose in life. Easier said then done, right? So what do you do if you are feeling lost and uncertain about who you are and where you are headed in life?

Go find a quiet place where you can be alone, and just think. Think about who you are, what you are, and where you want to go. Think about what is important you and how you want to be remembered in  100 years. Do this as often as necessary until you discover what you believe to be your purpose.

Once you figured it out go after it with everything you have got! You have do construct a lifestyle that allows you to focus on your purpose and nothing else.

You must come to terms with the fact that you may have to change everything in your life in order to reach your goal. And yes: this goal is also more important that your relationship to any woman, women need to see that your purpose is your first priority, they must feel this every time they are with you.

And she wants to feel it. In fact, she needs to feel it in order to be attracted to you. Your lady will test you. She wants to see if you can stay on course no matter what happens. If you think this is a bad sign, think again.

Women only test what they love.
She wants to be on the side of a man who can handle the drama and the tests, who has a clear vision and who is assertive. If you can’t handle what she throws at you, how can she be sure that you will stay strong in truly serious situations?

A woman needs this reassurance. And remember: What a woman complains about is often not what bothers her. When she complains about your financial situation, it is not about money but rather about your lack of ambition.

Be prepared to go through stages of self-doubt and lack of vision. Deida tells us not to worry, as this is all part of the progress. What seems to be important to us often turns out to be but one layer of the onion that is our life.
We peel layer after layer to eventually get to the core, our true calling.

2) Polarize

In his book, David Deida elaborates on his idea about male and female energy; based off the eastern philosophy model of yin and yang.

Regardless of our gender, we have both kinds of energy in us, the masculine and the feminine. For a truly harmonious relationship, it is important that there is a balance of both energies.

However this is not always the case and this can result in several scenarios.

What we often see is two people with rather neutral energies in a relationship. Although this works, it often lacks passion.

Another, very unfortunate scenario, is when the man lacks masculine energy and the woman is forced to make up for it. This is what women mean when they complain to their girlfriends about how she has to be the man in the relationship.

You as a man are the provider of masculine energy which allows the woman to celebrate her femininity.

This is what the polarization means. The moment you are strong in your masculine energy, the woman has a chance to relax and fall into her feminine. She no longer has to worry about providing masculine energy to the relationship and you are both able to flourish.
Remember that it is your responsibility to create this polarization. 

It is also your responsibility to keep it alive. Once you come to a point in your relationship where you only talk about work or money you will feel how the energy gets more and more neutral. This is when passion dies.

So what are masculine character traits? Obviously, this is something everybody has to define for himself, but David Deida give us some useful guidelines.

A man should lead the relationship. It is not only about the life altering decisions, it starts with the choice of the restaurant.

A man needs challenge and has to live his own personal truth.
A man faces his fears and seeks freedom.

A man lives a life of integrity and sticks to his values.

How about the character traits of your lady? David Deida give a very important tip:
Embrace the character traits of your lady you want to strengthen.

Instead of saying to her how you hate it when she gets angry, tell her how much you love to see her smile.

3) Enjoy the drama

Every man who has been in a relationship faced drama. Sometimes we can’t help ourselves but to think that the ladies actually enjoy it. 

But it does not matter if our female companions embrace a heated discussion about how an open toothpaste tube is a symbol for our lack of commitment to the relationship.

What matters is our response in such situations. And if you guess that losing control and playing the accusation game might not be the best idea, you are completely right.

Deida recommends to meet female drama with love and humor.
That does not mean that you should make fun of her. It means to understand, what a woman really wants to say when she is complaining about little things. 

It is about being present with her and actually getting down to the source of the problem.

But bear in mind:
It is about talking about the problem, not about solving it.

Deida says that 90% of all emotional problems of a woman are generated as she does not feel loved. She does not want to be analyzed, she does not really want to solve the problem, she just wants to be loved.

In fact, solving the problem right at the beginning of her emotional storm will only make it worse. She needs to vent and during this time she needs you to be emotionally strong.

If you think this is a stereotype or misogynistic ask a woman you can trust or try it. What do you have to lose? It’s all a learning experience.

4) Increase your sexual skills

David Deida includes a section about sexual energy and techniques in the book. He explains how you should stop ejaculating as this lowers your energy levels.

Rather you should use this energy to stay productive during the day. He gives techniques on how to circulate your sexual energy through your body and how you can train your PC-muscle.

Furthermore, Deida explains the right way of breathing and how you should relax your muscles in the genital area to last longer and control your orgasms.

We won’t get into all the explicit details in this summary, but just know that “The Way of the Superior Man” is an excellent resource for becoming an unforgettable lover.

More bits of knowledge

Deida puts a lot of emphasis on being present and living outside your comfort zone.

Presence will help you in those moments of you struggle. Imagine you have a fight with your lady and all you want to do is to withdraw. 

You know this would hurt the relationship in the long run so retreat is not an option. But how do you endure the negative emotions in such situations?

Open up your body and really feel the pain.
It is nothing more than an emotional wave bursting through your body. It will pass as all emotions do, so stand straight, breath into your stomach and look her in the eyes. 

There will be times when this is hard to do, but nobody said masculinity is easy to achieve.

Being slightly outside of your comfort zone, where you feel the tension, but you can handle it, is the right place to be.

Try to do this everyday and you will become a whole new person within a year. Same goes for fear. Don’t run away from fear: face it and feel it.

Personal thoughts and putting knowledge into practice

Even if you are not into the ideas of male and female energy I recommend to try what Deida suggests. I am fortunate to have a lot of really honest and blunt female friends in my life and their No. 1 complain is that they can’t find a masculine man.

They are tired of dating boys and having to “be the man in the relationship.” And I’ll be honest, I had relationships where the woman would tell me how she feels like she has to be the man. 

Back then I didn’t understand what the problem was, as I was caring and sensitive, but unfortunately I lacked male energy.

This could have led to nowhere but disaster and so it did. It took me years to understand my mistakes, but I learned my lesson. Being caring is important, but don’t neglect the other end of the spectrum.

I also took Deida’s advice to embrace the female drama. I had women tell me how I don’t make them feel guilty after they had their five minutes of rage and drama. 

They said, it makes them feel safe and it helps them to relax. I am not trying to brag, as I did nothing more than to apply what I learned from “The Way of the Superior Man”.

I just want you guys to know that this stuff actually works! I am not a big seducer or a talented ladies man, but being non-reactive is really working for me.

Furthermore having a purpose in life is of immeasurable importance for us guys. See it as your mission and do everything you can in order to fulfill it.

In Conclusion

I discussed the content of “The Way of the Superior Man” with several very confident and awesome women. I was a bit worried that women might find the advice in the book misogynistic or out-dated, but they loved it.

If you only read 10 books in your life, “The Way of the Superior Man” should be one of them. And I personally found it empowering for both sexes.

I believe, as we get more masculine, we help women to relax more and we give them a chance to  enjoy their femininity. Do the math and tell me who benefits from that. (hint, we all do)

How to Be a Man - The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. When it comes to Masculinity, David Deida has to be the most knowledgeable on the topic. 

This is absolutely my favorite book, and if I could only give one book to another man, it would be this. This first part covered some of my favorite ideas on what it means to be a man. 

There will be a second part that will go into detail about how the masculine should interact with the feminine. Enjoy!

Big idea 1 (0:00) : Stop hoping for a completion of anything in life.

Big idea 2 (1:49) : Don't get lost in tasks and duties.

Big idea 3 (2:54) : Be willing to change everything in your life.

Big idea 4 (4:35) : Live as if your father were dead.

Big idea 5 (5:45) : If you don't know your purpose, discover it now.

Relationship Advice for Men - The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. When it comes to Masculinity, David Deida has to be the most knowledgeable on the topic. This is absolutely my favorite book, and if I could only give one book to another man, it would be this. 

This part was about how the masculine should interact with the feminine. The first part covered some of my favorite ideas on what it means to be a man. You can watch it here:

Big idea 1 (0:03) : Your PURPOSE must come before your relationship.

Big idea 2 (1:21) : Don't force the feminine to make DECISIONS.

Big idea 3 (2:29) : What she wants is NOT what she says.

Big idea 4 (3:48) : You are RESPONSIBLE for the GROWTH and INTIMACY.


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