Thursday, May 10, 2012

WALDORF ASTORIA SHANGHAI BY THE BUND NAMED 5 STAR HOTEL BY FORBES TRAVEL GUIDE

KEE@FSWMAG.COM
Waldorf Astoria Club (Heritage Building) facade.jpg
The historic facade of Waldorf Astoria Shanghai By the Bund
Waldorf Astoria Club Atrium_2.jpg
Waldorf Astoria Deluxe River Suite facing the Huangpu river and stunning skyline of Pudong, just like my room! 




FORBES TRAVEL GUIDE, THE ALL POWERFUL ARBITER OF GREAT HOTELS OF THE WORLD, HAS JUST ACCORDED WALDORF ASTORIA SHANGHAI BY THE BUND AS A 5 STAR HOTEL.

WELL, I TOTALLY DISAGREE!!

WALDORF ASTORIA SHANGHAI BY THE BUND IS NOT BY ANY STANDARD A 5-STAR HOTEL!

I STAYED THERE LAST DECEMBER 2012 AND UNLESS STANDARDS HAS SLIPPED, THIS HOTEL DOES NOT DESERVE THE 5 STAR RATING BESTOWED UPON IT BY FORBES TRAVEL GUIDE WHOSE GRADERS, SAD TO SAY, HAVE GOT IT WRONG.

NO SIRREE, AS A VETERAN WORLD CLASS HOTEL STAYER, I CAN SAFELY VOUCH ON THE SOULS OF MY ANCESTORS BURIED IN CHINA AND IN KOTA BARU, MALAYSIA THAT WALDORF ASTORIA SHANGHAI BY THE BUND IS NOT A 5 STAR HOTEL BUT A 6 STAR HOTEL!

Firstly, the building located on the Bund used to be the historic, legendary Shanghai Club and home to the world famous Long Bar which at 37 metres was the longest and you could tell who was who in the pecking order of Shanghai high society by their position on the Long Bar!

The location cannot bettered as it is only 3 minutes walk to the ferry that takes you across the Huangpu river to Pudong. From my bedroom in the new, modern tower behind the historic building which forms the Waldorf Astoria, I could see all the Pudong with its Pearl Tower and super skyscrapers where the world's tallest building is currently being built! From Pudong you can see all the Bund with the old buildings circa 1920s when Shanghai was the Paris of the East.

My bedroom is to die for and I could stay inside and wallow in luxury for days on end!

My bathroom mirror has a TV inside. Yes, a TV has been artfully incorporated inside the mirror so I could watch TV as I washed my face or shower or pee.

Speaking of which, my toilet is state of the art and similar to Beijing's Park Hyatt where i stayed to interview Cate Blanchett at the  SKII party.

This ultra luxe and modern toilet bowl is so complicated I took all of 10 minutes to figure out which button did what. I lived in fear of accidentally pressing the 'Eject' button and getting thrown off through the roof and into the Huangpu river. First, the toilet cover is warm and welcoming, not cold, freezing and flesh congealing, especially in winter! 

I could adjust the water speed to wash not only my asshole but my penis as the jets of water could spray and shoot streams of water at room temperature into my anus hole or balls while twisting, cascading or pulsating! I half expected some fingers to emerge somewhere to tickle my balls.

Of course it would not do for me to stand up with water dripping from my ass so the toilet bowl also dries my asshole and cock with warm, soothing air! Yes, the warm air circulated and dried my private parts in a jiffy! 

The restaurants and amenities are world class and the decor is so fabulous and grandly rich this is the sort of home I will have when I am rich and famous. Now, I am only poor and famous!

My wardrobe is not, Buddha and Jesus forbid, a cupboard but an entire small room.  A walk-in wardrobe big enough for voluminous ballgowns to hang properly without being crushed into Non-Best Dressed List. There is, would you believe, a gas mask too in case the terrorists did a Mumbai bomb attack! But this is China so security is super tight and I have never felt safer! But it is nice to know I have a gas mask in my wardrobe should the unthinkable happen! A gas mask! I love it!

Of course one must be prepared to pay for such unfettered luxury! Allocate anything from RM 2,000 to RM 3,000 per day for a life of luxury you can write about!  

Check them out at www.waldorfastoria.com

Lounge on the Park - overview (2).jpg
Luxuriously comfy seats at Long Bar
Waldorf Astoria Club Atrium_2.jpg

Waldorf Astoria Club deluxe suite

Waldorf Astoria Club Atrium_2.jpg
Room with a view!
Waldorf Astoria Club Atrium_2.jpg
The Atrium Lobby of the historic building with Long Bar at left
Waldorf Astoria Club Atrium_2.jpg
View of historic old Shanghai Club now Atrium Lobby from first floor
Waldorf Astoria Club (Heritage Building) facade.jpg
Grand Brasserie
Waldorf Astoria Club (Heritage Building) facade.jpg
Peacock Alley for afternoon tea, light meals and drinks


Waldorf Astoria Shanghai on the Bund Named Five-Star Hotel
by Forbes Travel Guide

Waldorf Astoria Shanghai on the Bund named one of two Five-Star Hotels in Shanghai; all winners showcased on the newly launched Forbes Travel Guide website, Startle.com