BILLIONS HAVE SEEN, ADMIRED AND READ MY STORY IN THE SEPTEMBER ISSUE OF NEWMAN, MALAYSIA'S FOREMOST MEN'S MAGAZINE.
But strange to say, of the 7 billion humans today, some did not read this story!
Incredible but weird things do happen! So here it is!
Kee Hua Chee by Kee Hua Chee.
And this is the correct position and not upside down! I posed this way as I see life diferently and this photo was taken in a flat at St Mary Residences, behind the old MAS Building in KL which is one of the most coveted addresses after The Palladium where I currently reside.
Is this sexy or what?
Yes, yes, I know you cannot possibly read the text in this double spread so the text is reproduced below;
The Overlord of Outrageousness
Kee Hua Chee
There are literally no words to describe Kee Hua Chee. We could sit here and ponder forever, yet no adjectives would properly do him justice. If you’ve ever read the papers, you’ll know what we mean and yes, we realise that a lot of you may raise an eyebrow and cock your head as to how he made it onto this nomination list. But surely, somebody who has the guts and the glory to be seen in public the way he does deserves one. So amidst the faux reptile skin bags, clawed rings and air-brushed trousers, we sit down with the man himself and find out what Kee Hua Chee thinks of Kee Hua Chee.
Can you tell us a little bit about your background?
Born in Kota Bharu, Kelantan. Love my hometown. As a kid, I wanted to retire and die overseas in some glam place like London, Paris, New York or Istanbul but now I want to be buried or rather be placed inside an urn in Double DragonTemple in Bachok, an ulu outpost in Kelantan. My parents have bought a small shrine atop a pole with two urns for them so they were pleasantly surprised when I said I want to join them there so now there is space for three urns. Originally the shrine overlooked green verdant padi fields but now so many have clamoured for space there (to be near us as we generate great feng shui for future generations!) so the land in front of us is now filled with dozens of similar shrines! But no matter, from heaven my parents and I can look down on mortals! Of course I am the only child as I was too precocious and impossible to control so my parents did not dare have another baby. I also threatened to put a pillow on my brother/sister's face and sit on it till they suffocate to death so Buddha and Jesus stopped my parents from having such foolish thoughts.
Have you always been flamboyant? When did it all start?
At Universiti Malaya when I started to bloom. In Kota Bharu, I was very straight-laced, prim and proper and never wore loud clothes so I had to make up for lost time when I reached Kuala Lumpur. Since then, there has been no stopping me as I notice the older I get, the louder, flashier and thrashier I become.
How would you describe your sense of style?
Fabulous, flamboyant, fantastic, frenetic, fun and fully funKEE!
Is this just a persona that you embody in public? That at home you're just like the rest of us, or are you like this 24/7?
Of course I am like this 24/7 as no one can carry the sequins, beads, feathers, leathers and bling like me. But I sleep naked so that is the only time I am not dressed to kill and thrill. How can I be like the rest of you when I am not mortal but a living divinity? Pray don't ever compare yourself to me OK?
Obviously dressed the way you do, you are bound to get wanted/unwanted attention. What's the motive behind your dress sense or is there even a motive behind it?
Do not be foolish. I dress to please myself and the gods like Buddha and Jesus and Kuan Yin and Virgin Mary. Christians and Buddhists pray to images of Jesus and Buddha so I should have portraits of myself painted on my shirts and pants so I can be venerated as well. I am not being egoistical as I am very de (sic) humble and modest. Example; When Queen Victoria was reigning and the British Empire was at its height and ruled over 1/4 of the human population and Victoria was worshipped as a white goddess in parts of Africa, she and her entire assembly was once standing to attention as the national anthem was played. When it was over, everyone automatically glanced back to look at their chair before sitting. Except Queen Victoria. She just sat down as she knew there would always be a chair for her! I too know my self-confidence is my seat of power. The day no one looks at me or stops commenting on my weird and wonderful apparel is the day I slit my throat. What mere mortals made of flesh and blood think of me in not important. What I think of them is important. Amen.
Is your flamboyance compensation for something?
Of course not. I am rich, a super genius, gorgeous beyond compare and smarter than anyone I know. I am the only child and will inherit millions with no pesky siblings to squabble over the spoils! So I am set for life due to the personal intervention of Buddha and Jesus Christ for the good deeds in my past incarnations so I am now reaping the rewards.
With the plethora of outfits you have, is it hard to get dressed in the morning?
No, I start with a shirt, pants, shoes or jewel that I wish to wear for the day and then work my way down with matching items to go with the main piece I had selected. If I decide to wear a dragon necklace then I will choose a shirt with dragons painted on it or something dragonish.
Have you ever woken up one day and just decided that you cannot be bothered to dress up?
Why should I? I have over 1,800 outfits and 600 pairs of shoes and fully one third have never been worn as I cannot keep up with the pace I collect fashion. The Government wants all my attire and jewels and shoes so I never sell or give any away in preparation for my Kee Hua Chee Museum.
What do you wear to kick back and relax at home?
I wear underwear at home as I cannot walk around naked out of respect to the gods. My house is full of statues of Buddha, Kuan Yin, Jesus Christ, Ganesha and even the pantheon of ancient Greek gods as I always hedge my bets so if one god lets me down, there are others for me to grovel to. By the weirdest of coincidences, the developer of The Palladium Condominiums is called Halvalla which is the heavenly retreat of the Norse gods!
What is your philosophy in life?
Kill or be killed. If that sounds too morbid for your genteel readers, how about ‘Dressed-Up or be Out-dressed?’ If that is too flippant, then ‘If you have it, flaunt it, if not stay home and watch TV.’ OK my personal mantra is it is better to have loved and lost than not to love at all. But of course it is best to love and be loved! Failing which, you can always buy love with cold cash. I notice I automatically become nicer, charmier and lovelier and definitely friendlier when I discover the stranger I am talking to is loaded with money or at the very worst, will inherit millions from parents on their last legs. Money = Love because if you have one, you have the other! Or as the prostitutes tell me, Sex=Money because sex follows money and vice versa! This explains why rich old men always have beautiful young girls. If you are old, sickly, ugly and poor, the only solution is a speedy death so you can be reborn into a better life. I don't recommend suicide but authorised euthanasia is fine as I hope to enter Heaven, Havalla or Nirvana when I am unable to go partying, clubbing and shopping, Or when the urge to have sex is gone, whichever comes first.
Interview by Ali Imran K.
Photograph Danny Lim; Location Master Bedroom, 2-Bedroom Showroom @ St. Mary’s Residences
“This is how I want to pose. I saw it in a porn flick.” “Make sure you can see my face on my crotch in the photo.” “Do you think I should wear more rings since these are so small?” “Do I look fabulous or what?” Danny never knew what hit him.