WELL I HAVEN'T COME ACROSS ANY JOKES ON BLOGGERS YET...
The Lawyer Keeps His PromiseA dying man gives each of his best friends -- a lawyer, doctor and clergyman -- an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin.
A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the clergyman confesses that he only put $10,000 in the envelope and sent the rest to a mission in South America.
The doctor confesses that his envelope had only $8,000 because he donated to a medical charity.
The lawyer is outraged, "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. The envelope I placed in the coffin contained my personal chequefor the entire $25,000."
Practice Makes PerfectQ: How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?
A: Because they both "practice" their professions.
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator...The pope and a lawyer enter heaven. When they arrive at Pearly Gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people greeting them.
They pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off, clapping and cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened and disappointed that after spending his entire life in the service of God, no one bothered to welcome him in heaven.
St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
A Lawyer and A PoliticianWhat do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
ANSWER: Chelsea Clinton.
Lawyer RatesA man walks into a lawyer's office and inquires about the rates.
"Fifty dollars for three questions, "replies the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asks the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replies, "and what's your third question?"
Lawyer-Client RelationsQ: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service. Oh fuck...
Saddam Hussein in a FoxholeYou are stuck in a foxhole with a cobra, Saddam Hussein, a lawyer, and only two bullets in your gun. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Law School for NunsWhat do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
Shady ConceptionsDid you know that you can get a woman pregnant from anal intercourse?
That's how lawyers are made.
Shark AttackWhy won't sharks attack lawyers?